Life Rule # 361. Called Up From the Bullpen. Low In the Rotation
The reserves. The bullpen players crafted for one specific purpose and in most cases for one day in particular. Sometimes it's a weathered veteran we just can't help but throw into the game one last time knowing full well they may cost us the victory. And sometimes it's the nervous rookie we have no choice but to put in because he's all we have left.
I'm talking about our undergarments people. Your skivvies. The one thing that has, and will always have, the most intimate knowledge of your most intimate parts.
I don't believe I'm going out on much of a limb here when I say we've all found ourselves in this position. After all, no one likes doing laundry. It's a chore. So when you're standing over your empty dresser drawer looking down at a pair of boxers speckled with Santa Claus and reindeer prints and it's the middle of July? Well, just take a deep breath and relax. You got lazy with your dirty clothes. You walked by day after day as that damn pile grew higher. You neglected your first string and now there's a price to pay. Albeit a small price.
Back to the dilemma. Fear not oh procrastinator of your panties! So it's July. And you're standing dumbstruck in your bedroom naked and afraid. Why? Because you're about to go all Kris Kringle on a hot summer day. Embrace the moment. It's underwear for God sake! The function is in the word! This article of clothing is worn UNDER your day to day attire. No one will see Rudolf guiding the sleigh across your office building so calm down.
Grab those festive undies by their worn out waistband and slip 'em on. Heck, whistle a quick Christmas tune while you're at it. And now look at you! You've taken what was once seen as a cloth catastrophe and turned it on its head. While everyone else out there is sweltering through another blistering July day you've got visions of sugarplums dancing in your head!
Congratulations. You've achieved greatness. For what was once a pair of underwear meant for a single day you've managed to turn into a potential option for the other 364 days in a year.
You went rogue and have been rewarded....and your wardrobe thanks you.
Now go celebrate by buying a fresh pack of undies you neanderthal.