Life Rule #500. Bear Rugs....For the Bare Naked
There is a certain set of criteria which one must follow upon securing the ownership of a bear rug.
Your grizzly decor can be in no other location than smack dab in front of a fireplace. And I don't care what room this happens to be in but there best be rose petals canvassing the floor and at least one bottle of bourbon within arm's reach.
Next, that room will at all times have the soft, deep croon of Barry White's voice caressing you from the background.
Furthermore, no matter the time of day, the time of year nor the company you keep. You would be wise to strip down to nothing but what God gave you and strike your most glorious 'bear pose'. Body stretched out while one arm props your head up from the elbow and the other rests gently atop the bear's head.
Hold your guests' or your wall's gaze with a mysteriously powerful look that bellows, 'Behold! Me. My bear. And all of the seductive power which we possess!
Finally, raise up, pour yourself a glass of bourbon and casually walk out of the room while whistling The Jungle Book's 'Bear Necessities'. You just won the game of Life.
Bear rugs. No time for playing dead.