Life Rule #100. Update Your Grocery List
Enough with the headphones at the grocery store. Knock it off. Are you so antisocial that you can't muster up at most an hour in public without pretending that you're the only person who exists on this planet? OK. OK. I apologize. Maybe you're not THAT antisocial, you're just an asshole.
Take those earbuds, your iPhone 6 Plus (cause you're so cutting edge) and jam them all up your raisin hole, then let those vibrations tickle said rear end up and down the aisles while you purchase all of your soulless gluten-free products. With your jams now nestled securely in your rectum you might actually be able to hear me standing behind you proclaiming 'Excuse me' for the fourth time. Come on brother, I'm just trying to get to my Lucky Charms. I'd prefer if I didn't have to wait for you to find out whether or not that box in your hand is non-GMO. Move along.
I laugh inside because your breed reminds me of a particular Family Guy episode wherein Peter enjoys having his own life theme song. Do you have the same idea going on? You do, don't you? Just strolling through this life paying no mind to anyone other than yourself. I'll wager a guess that you probably spend about an hour at home before you actually make it to the store compiling your 'epic' grocery store mix. And because I've already decided that I don't care for your kind I'll also guess that your list includes songs from every American Idol winner to date. Joker.
What is it, really? Do you need to psyche yourself up to buy those green beans and Pillsbury Toaster Strudels (which are delightful, by the way)? Is that Jewel track really going to be the deciding factor when choosing between kale or turnips? Who will save your soul?
Now I'm not saying that the background music in the store is anything to write home about however it's just that....background music. You can hardly hear it. So you can't tell me this is the reason for shutting out the rest of the world.
I love music just as much as the next human being but keep the tunes at home for a few errands, Judas. Try interacting with other people for once. We were wired to communicate for God sake. Even if it's just a simple 'Have a nice day' to your local grocery cashier. You might learn something about someone and that's more than I can say for your garbage actions.
Clean up on isle 'Get Your Shit Together'.