"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Jackpot!!!!

Jackpot!!!!

The lottery.  Never plan to win it but my God it's fun just daydreaming about what we might do if we DID happen to win that elusive pot o' gold.  I just recently pooled a few bucks together with some coworkers to give the jackpot a go.  Why the fuck not?!  Which brings me to my question....What would YOU do with the winnings?  I don't want to hear about the standard choices, ie; pay of all of my debt, buy a lake house, buy a new car, save the world....you're putting me to sleep.  Get creative.  Everyone has SOMETHING off-the-wall they'd want to do, right?  'Well hey, Andy.  What would YOU do?'  I'm glad you asked!!  After I pull that last powerball I'm going to tell you.

I have two ideas I'd love to bring to fruition.

  1. A MOAT.  Yes.  I want a moat surrounding my home.  And no, there would be no castle towering beyond my aquatic perimeter.  I'd probably settle for a run-of-the-mill house.  Four bed, four bath.  Perhaps a two stall garage.  Or maybe I go with a tethered down replica of the peach from James & the Giant Peach.  Ya know, in case I need to cut 'er lose and escape.  Nothing fancy.  Just to throw off any potential intruders.  Everyone wants to storm a castle.  No one wants to trash a suburban matchbox straight out of The Truman Show let alone a giant piece of fruit.  Also, no alligators and/or crocodiles.  Surprised?  Again, too cliche.  I'm thinking I'd pack those waters with a hefty number of platypus.  Imagine with me....who's attempting to cross my bridge?  There's just too much nonsense going on all at once.
  2. A WOODEN PIRATE SHIP.  It's always been my dream.  To captain a pirate ship.  Hell, I'd even consider cutting off a limb just below the knee to pop on a wooden peg.  I'll shoulder the parrot, too.  Yup, I'm going completely cliche here but this dream preceded the moat.  Now here's the catch; I'd only sail the Great Lakes in my terrific vessel.  How ridiculous, you say?!  It's perfect.  I'd wrangle up a dependable yet reckless crew of scalawags filling our sails with the winds of surprise.  Who's ever pirated the Great Lakes?  We'd catch everyone off guard.  We'd make poor yacht owners walk our planks and then sink their sleek boats with the weight of our cannonballs!  And about a month or so later, when we're finally caught (we're trapped and our options are limited) we'll spread word of a vast and incomprehensible mountain of treasure hidden somewhere among the shores of the great state of Michigan.  People will look for years!  And all they'll find will be a small collection of Monopoly game pieces.  

Captain Swashbuckling Schmieder and his merry band of hooligans.  Whenever anyone casts their eyes on the horizon and catch a glimpse of our flag flying high in the sky their knees will buckle.  We're coming for you.  Yo ho ho and a bottle of rummmmmmmm....

PRAY I win the lottery.

You're missing part of your hat....BRO.

You're missing part of your hat....BRO.

Goodnight, Texas

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