"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

You're missing part of your hat....BRO.

You're missing part of your hat....BRO.

Visors.  Dammit.  Now I thought we got rid of those things.  Yet like another horrendous 'hit' Smashmouth song you hear on the radio I saw one floating around the other day.  So they must still be lingering out there.  Which, by the way, that is probably the ONLY living human being who should be allowed to wear a visor.  The lead singer of Smashmouth.  Him and his long lost bleach-blonde brother Guy Fieri.  That is IT.  And I now apologize to all of you for putting that song in your head for the rest of the day....'All that glitters is goooold!  Only shooting stars break the moooold!'  God dammit.

Unless you're a crooked loan shark working in a filthy back office of a seedy warehouse dishing out dirty money just wear an ordinary hat already!  Or you could join the hipster movement and snag a top hat, then cite your 'differences' to anyone who will listen.  Just trash the visor, please.

My apologies to all you frat boys out there who feel as though I'm leaving you out.  However I thought that even YOU ass clowns have begun to ditch the visor-wearing and overcompensated with more shell necklaces, Abercrombie cargo shorts and Reef sandals (Check it out!  There's a bottle opener on the bottom, bro!).

How in the hell were these accessories even invented?  My only guess is that some poor bastard was getting ready to stick his head under a lawn mower and at the last second decided his life was still worth it and he pulled out.  In a daze he went inside to the sink, splashed a little water on his face and re-assessed himself in the mirror.  Except what's staring back at him is not the same old man that just considered taking his own life moments ago, rather a chewed up hat with no top to it.  Just then it hits him and the rest is tragic history.  Should have let the mower finish the job buddy.

Can the visors folks.  There is nary a need for a single one.  Unless, of course, you have the lyrics to Smashmouth's next hit single.  

And if you've NEVER worn a visor well then, 'Hey, now, you're an all-star, get your game on....go play'  I said, 'Hey, now, you're a rock-star, get the show on....get paid.'

I'm sorry.

Penguin Prison