"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #822

Life Rule #822

Apologies in advance but I've got another bathroom related entry here.  

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching a bird build her nest?  The dedication displayed with each trip out to collect another addition to the home.  Respect it.  Pay attention to the craft because unless you're a God damn bridge-troll you should be applying these same concepts to YOUR nest.

The porcelain throne, folks.  A toilet.  Allow me to specify....a PUBLIC restroom should never be utilized unless you dedicate a few precious moments to laying down a welcoming home for your ass cheeks.  Build a nest!  Shit, I betcha homeless people (when they're not using the restroom to sleep in) don't even sit directly on a public toilet seat.  It's fowl.  

Ladies?  Every trip.  Gentlemen?  Every deuce and even the phantom trip you take during work to shave a few minutes out of your work day.  Lay down the carpet.  Protect your ass.  You've seen what some of your coworkers can do to a bowl, yes?  You can be quite certain they aren't nesting their eggs before the flight of the timber.

Be safe out there.  Like a unkempt man offering candy out of a windowless van, public toilets are dangerous.  You take care of yourself.

Build that beautiful nest.  One layer.  Two.  Hell, triple stack that bitch if you're concerned about your surroundings.  I myself am a two stack kinda guy.

Whatever your amount just remember those birds out there and make them proud.  Nest up!

Haggis Horns with a dust-off of Ben Folds Five

America The Beautiful.

America The Beautiful.