"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #770 (A two-part series on car accessories)

Life Rule #770 (A two-part series on car accessories)

Part One:  Personalized license plates.  

Why?  Who?  What is to be gained?  Because of your custom stamp we now know you've got a tiny wiener or fake breasts.  The possibilities don't stretch too far beyond that, do they?  

Allow me to pitch my proposition.  Anyone who wants a personalized plate for their car will get one yet they will all have the same format:


There's a seven space max, correct?  They all get the fill, then.  You ARE a douche bag.  It works out great.  I haven't nailed down the logistics but there's got to be a way to file all of these plates electronically.  It'll be the new, edgier version of 'It's a Jeep.  You wouldn't understand.'  (Oh, we'll get into that garbage sticker in part two of our series, don't you fret.)

No one knows what on God's green earth your random collection of letters and numbers is supposed to mean anyhow.  Even IF you managed to nail an ironic message or slight us with your trailer-park humor how would you ever know if we laughed or sat behind you in our cars whispering 'Nicely done' with an almost unnoticeable nod.  You wouldn't.  Your ears are filled to the brim with douche.   Let's make fun of some REAL plates that are unfortunately out there somewhere....

GTYUP V8:  Oh, oh no way!  On the back of a 2001 Silver Ford Mustang?!  Move over Hollywood I just found your car for Fast and Furious 24.   

I AM BOSS:  Another Mustang.  Another middle-aged man who will be dying alone.  Either that or dying in cell block F because he was wildly inappropriate with his secretary.  No meant no pal.  

ICUH8N:  A Honda.  And it's not just me bud.  EVERYONE hates you.

Let's shelve these limp-dick attempts at attention once and for all.  You can tell me allll about the idea you HAD for a plate while we're waiting in line for the next installment of The Fast & the Furious.  Spoiler alert....Paul Walker isn't in this one....

License Plate:  TOOSOON




Van, Delta, Daft and America

The Black Crowes

The Black Crowes