Life Rule #208
The razor. A tool in every man's shed of appearance. Meant to keep our facial hair in line yet I fear we've lost track of its sole purpose, gentlemen. Much like a painter's brush dances across an empty canvas creating works of art the razor is a man's brush....his face a canvas. When in the hell have you ever seen a painter take his work off the canvas? Have you ever seen him start painting the legs of his easel? Of course you haven't. Then can someone on this great green earth tell me why there are more and more 'men' out there taking their slicers south of the neckline?!
Get your act together you outcasts. You heathens. Out there shaving your chests, arms, legs and everything in between. And for what? Your chest? You're a tool. Who shaves their chest? Ashamed of that glorious sweater God gave you to wear 365 days a year? Wear that cloak of manliness with pride, you bear. Your legs? HA! Let me guess. You're a 'hardcore' biker and you're going to rebuttal with something to the effect of 'But it hurts less when I fall and get a raspberry!' You couldn't sound like less of a man. Why not go ahead and admit that all these years you've been posing as a man and now you're ready to be the woman you've always known you could become. You're Caitlyn Jenner'ing us. At least she owns it. Up and took the road less traveled and made her move. Good for her. You, on the other hand. Go ahead and keep on hiding behind that false facade you human otter.
The only pass I'll grant is tending to your twig n' berries. But for Christ sake take your electric number down there and tame the jungle. No need for your collection to look like a fourth grader's clay art project. Judas.
Men! Be men. Embrace your animal within. Unless you start getting the nervous sweats during a full moon you can't possibly be that hairy of a beast.
You've been granted with what some deem 'The Best a Man Can Get' . Now go be the best MAN you can be and keep that brush on the canvas.