"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

The Game Show.  A Lost Art.

The Game Show. A Lost Art.

Jill Wagner.  The End.

Jill Wagner.  The End.

Do-do-do-ya have it?!  Apparently not anymore.  What in the legends of Olmec happened??

We had a treasure trove of game shows to work with folks.  You all remember.  Legends of the Hidden Temple.  GUTS.  Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?  Double Dare.

What happened?  The best we've got now is a washed up ESPN anchor and some creepy son of a bitch hosting Wipeout.  Granted, some of the obstacles/contestants are treasures in themselves but realistically the best part of the show is host Jill Wagner....GOO!!

It's just a shame.  There used to be ooze, clues and the Aggro Crag.  My God.  The Aggro Crag.  The game show's apex of sheer domination.  If you conquered the Crag you should have automatically been given the keys to your city and a ticket in the primaries for the upcoming presidential election.  The ultimate test of wills that either left kids broken and bent over in tears or jumping up and down frantically in their knee pads, helmet and purple GUTS t-shirts.

Looking back at the heaps of nonsensical challenges these game shows rolled out seems absurd yet answer me this....would you NOT want to participate in one of these games now?  As an adult?  You bet your sweet ass you would.  Strap me up with elbow pads and a mouth guard and let's solve Olmec's mysterious puzzle.  I want the glory!

And don't you dare tell me today's shows hold a candle to the classics of yore....because they DON'T.  American Ninja Warrior?  Please.  Take your Warped Wall and TAKE. A. HIKE.  I'd like to see you stare the Cragg in the face and not shiver in fear when it answers your stare with a thunderous growl.  Sure, you can swing over a shallow pool clinging to rings but do you have what it takes to be a gumshoe?  Can you weasel your way through a pile of clues to determine just where in the world Carmen San Diego is?  I didn't think so.  Uh huh.  Keep pretending you're a 'ninja' but until you can disappear right before my eyes your're just an impostor.

Then we have Olmec.  Keeper of secrets and master of the Temple.  A stone face with red eyes taunting you with riddles which seem impossible to solve.  By the way, why is Olmec not the sole host of the show?  It would give the game so much more of a dangerous edge.  Instead our rock-faced rebel is paired with Kirk Fogg.  Look at this boner.  He looks like he should be guiding a 4th grade field trip through a petting zoo not hosting one of the greatest game shows of all time.  Bummer.  We should probably pay our respects to the names given to the contestants as well.  The Blue Barracudas.  The Silver Snakes.  The Red Jaguars.  The Purple Parrots.  Genius.  The show had a surprisingly short run but be prepared for....

....Somewhere out there Olmec lies in wait.  And when he stirs from his slumber he will wreak havoc on us all.  In the meantime, enjoy one of the greatest victories GUTS has ever seen.

LIFE RULE #808  Gobble Gobble.

LIFE RULE #808 Gobble Gobble.

Life Rule #111  Peanut Butter and J----Marshmallows!

Life Rule #111 Peanut Butter and J----Marshmallows!