Life Rule #912
I....well....guys....guys don't wear these anymore, do they? We're not allowed to, correct? Moses chiseled this law right into a stone tablet as the 11th Commandment. You've just never known that because they never thought it'd be an issue. Yet, here we are.
I actually saw an older gentleman wearing a pair of finely pressed jorts today. I saw it happen. Now I could have sworn he complemented these trailer park staples with sandals and white tube socks as well but that could have just been a mirage. Something I just assumed would tag along with a damn PAIR OF JORTS.
Christ you guys, I don't even think hipsters tread these waters. There's an excellent rule of thumb, by the way. If a self-proclaimed (because they're ALL self-proclaimed) hipster won't even go near an article of clothing it's an open and shut case. Don't poke the bear. And in this case the bear is a pair of jeans that got 'Texas Chainsaw Massacred' from the knees down.
Leave the daisy dukes to the ladies (they are quite flattering). And leave your jorts in the back of the closet until Halloween. A Halloween in which you undoubtedly go as Hank Hill or Kip Dynamite. Let's call it a day, shall we?