The Friend Who Dwells in My Back Pocket
Apologies for the lull in activity folks. I'm not sure how many of you actually missed me but I'll continue the daydream and assume hundreds of you have been foaming at the mouth for another excerpt of nonsense.
My disappearing act was due to the magical celebration of marriage. Yup. Finally made the rest of this life official with my lovely Lady (now wife). So, in the spirit of matrimony, I wanted to write about SOMETHING relevant to marriage. You know, now that I'm so versed and accustomed to the married life a mere two weeks in!
I'm going to come at you from a direction you may not see me coming from. As I thought about how I could accurately put the last two weeks of our lives into words I had reached into my back pocket to retrieve my leather filing cabinet. And it was there, dear friends, that I found my answer....
I had no pictures in my wallet. And I got to thinking. 'Does anyone anymore?' What, with the age of technology and 'smart' phones and tablets and all that bullshit. What ever happened to the barrage of wallet art? Sure, the wallet has always had a primary responsibility of hanging on to our money and our credit cards but don't you dare lie to me and say you don't remember a simpler day when a man wasn't ecstatic at the opportunity to show you his wife, family or house pet.
God bless. Allow me to address the girlfriends, pets, families and wives out there. If you EVER found out your man had a photo of you in his wallet....well....YOU HAD IT MADE. Not only were you already in the Promised Land but you were drunk on the milk & honey it provides. Congratulations.
And that is that. Wallet photos. Sadly, they are relics. Like the morning newspaper set aside a steaming cup of coffee. We've lost the pocket-sized yearbook to technology. Lost. Another beautiful expression of love just tossed aside. God damn phones.
**After school project: Snap a shot of your wife or your dog or your family (a REAL picture. Disposable cameras have to be about a nickel nowadays). Next, I want you to take that photo and slip it into the fold of your wallet. Finally, whip that sweet leather life preserver out at your next gathering and show off your goods. Your wife/family/pet deserve it but most importantly, for all the work it's done while snuggled up to your ass, your wallet deserves it.
Let it bask in the glory.