The REAL Weapons of Mass Destruction
A bold title for a bold topic. Childhood cartoon characters and their weapon(s) of choice.
All too often the debate rages on. The greatest kids' show of all time. Stop. Shut up. Don't ask the question. It IS a real debate and it's carried on by present day adults going to any lengths necessary to rekindle their fondest adolescent memories.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Thundercats. GI Joe. He-Man. One mutated muscular freak after another. Yet allow me to ask you, if I may. Of all the arguments, have we dared to step back and ask ourselves which of all these characters from our past possessed the greatest weapon of all time? My mind tears itself apart with the thought. So to put my think-tank somewhat at ease, I will share some of the best. A Hall of Fame of fantastical sorts, if you will.
He-Man. The Power Sword. He has a Goddamn weapon named The Power Sword. Our conversation here is over. Your argument, invalid. When asked if he thought there was a better weapon on the market outside of He-Man's sword Skeletor only had this to say. The Power Sword.
Our friends in a half shell. The Turtles. Four formidable ninja....turtles. Damn near a debate all its own. Who wields the best of the four? Tough call. I'll put Michelangelo's nun-chucks at the bottom of the list mainly because he flails those things around like a handful of wet noodles. Raph can come next because as radical as the sais appear they're just not the optimal weapon for defeating BeeBop OR Rocksteady let alone Shredder for Christ-sake. Don's got reach with the staff but let's be clear. It's a tree branch. Leo, the leader, justifiably holds onto the best weapons of the group with his pair of stealthy katanas. Cowabunga dudes.
The Care Bears. Go ahead. Laugh all you want. But don't you dare sit there and tell me that the best cure for a gloomy Monday wouldn't be a healthy dose of the Care Bear Stare. Not only will their mystical powers turn your frown upside down, they won't stop until you're singing about how great it is to be....in that Care Bear Family. Try getting THAT out of your head today.
Next, the Swat Kats. Now, please don't misunderstand me. I hate cats. HOWEVER, if they're flying F-14s and the duo's decided to go with the bad-ass title of The Radical Squadron....I think we can all respect that feline foot-stompin'. Good Lord, their singular names are T-Bone and Razor. I'm going to stop here for fear of giving cats too much credit. Enjoy your sliver of lime light boys.
Speaking of cats....shit....this one needs ZERO explanation. Thunder....Thunder....THUNDER....THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOO!
The Sword of Omens. I'm not going to waste anyone's time describing the other Cats' weapons. And quite frankly, this beautiful vaporizer of villains tops all the charts. Probably will for eternity.
The legend of the Eye of Thundera lives on. Why wouldn't it?? Now, we just need a movie.