The Hungry Butt
Beware. There's a monster lurking. In the shadows with all the other monsters? Nay. Nay I say. It happens to reside right under our very noses. In front of our two (or one, if you're a pirate) curious eyes.
It's a butt. And it's hungry. STARVING even.
Do not be fooled. From time to time it may pose as a 'wedgie'. False. Lies. Nonsense. And you won't be tricked because you've seen the Hungry Butt before. You see them all the time. The telltale sign? When a victim's trouser cloth is tucked savagely inward on itself. Far. And when I say far, I mean you can perfectly see the outline of that poor soul's ass cheeks. It looks like Han Solo when he was trapped in that liquid/metal tomb from the first round of Star Wars movies. Just picture an ass instead of a key member of the Alliance.
Now what do we do when we encounter such a beast? Don't panic and don't flee. Neither are necessary. If the culprit is attacking a friend the solution is simple: Plainly ask if their butt is hungry. They'll ask you what in the hell you're talking about and all you need to do is let them know that their butt must be hungry because it's gobbling up their pants. The Hungry Butt will then vanish. Humiliation seems to be the shining sword which you must yield.
If you encounter this nemesis on a stranger? Well, just enjoy a good laugh for that Hungry Butt can do you no harm.
Don't give those little devils any fuel to crop up on you. Keep those clothes out of harm's way. The butts are hungry. Let's starve them all.