"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #1212.  The Birthday Wish.

Life Rule #1212. The Birthday Wish.

We all loved a good birthday party while growing up.  The presents, the cakes, maybe a little Pin the Tail on the Donkey action.  Unfortunately, as is the case with much of life, things we found enjoyable as children lose their luster as we grow older.  Birthdays are not immune to Father Time's cruel grip.  Parties morph into cards stuffed with money.  Later those cards are stuffed with nothing but well-wishes.  Before you know it the cards are gone and all you're getting are texts or some bullshit comment on Facebook because your friends got the reminder.

Well hold on to your cardboard triangular birthday hats boy and girls!  I'm here to tell you that as adults we have the power to create our own birthday surprises.  And believe me....they ARE surprises.  Follow me.

There's a new definition of a birthday wish floating around town these days.  You can scrap the old practice of imagining your wildest dreams and then blowing out a handful of candles.  Today's birthday wish starts in the bathroom.  Brace yourselves and let the scenario unfold.

As adults we can flex our maturity muscles here and all agree that we've got to poop.  We just do.  And a lot of those trips can be disastrous.  We've substituted the Gerber baby food jars for booze and frozen pizzas.  Alas, the outcome remains relatively similar.  Chaos.  Dairy Queen soft serve.  Rolls of TP disappearing like rabbits at a magic show.

Yet there are days when we find someone smiling down (or up) at us.  And these events can now be considered a wish come true.  When you experience that evasive 'clean wipe'.  I'm talking so clean that you could use the same toilet paper you just wiped with to blow your nose.  THAT, my dear friends, is a birthday wish.  So instead of blowing out candles just blow out a sigh of relief knowing you don't have to wipe to the point of drawing blood.

Now go celebrate your special day with a piece of cake and a decisive flush.  

Happy Birthday to you.



Life Rule #666.  Bustin' Ghosts

Life Rule #666. Bustin' Ghosts

The Ballroom Thieves

The Ballroom Thieves