"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

A Beautiful Grocery List

A Beautiful Grocery List

Ah, the  good old grocery run.  Whether you're a loyal local grocer customer or you brave the cold, cruel world that is Costco, you almost always make sure you go equipped with that list of goodies you need to scoop up.

What my grocery list looks like and how I feel as I try to solve the equation that I, myself, had created.  Puzzled.

What my grocery list looks like and how I feel as I try to solve the equation that I, myself, had created.  Puzzled.

Do you ever feel like Russel Crowe from A Beautiful Mind when you create that list?  I know I do.  I'm filling every window pane in my home with lists of vegetables, different categories of milks, and spices galore.  I'm a God damn Nobel Laureate in Groceries.  I take stock on everything we currently have to make sure I don't double dip.  I try to keep the list healthy but who says no when they walk down the cookie isle?  Oreo and no might rhyme but that shit's going into my cart.  Pronto.

And how cruel is the inevitable 'swing and a miss' item?  I ALWAYS forget something.  Hell, sometimes it's even on my list, I just miss my queue.  What's more, the item is crucial to my existence.  Quite often the usual suspects include anything from toilet paper to milk to apples.  Yup, one a day keeps the doc away, and if I miss a day we're on crisis lock down.

To make matters worse we frequent a zoo of a grocery store.  Damn thing is busier than an airport during the holidays.  So if you're referencing your list as you move through that jungle it's the equivalent of texting and driving.  Someone's going to run your ass into the canned beans if you're not paying attention.  Keeping that in mind it's never a bad idea to glance over your list a few times before heading into battle.  Focus.  Eyes on the prize.  

Have you ever misplaced your list?  Game changer.  That's like leaving your calculator in your locker for a math exam.  Good luck solving that equation genius.  You'll loose sleep over that mistake.

Oh, and for all you technology dependent hookers out there?  Get a pen/pencil and a piece of paper and keep your penmanship somewhat respectable.  Don't lose the art of handwriting.  Plus, if you concoct a grocery list with your phone the percentages of you using that same phone to listen to music while you shop skyrocket which in turn make you an extremely likely candidate for murder.  You're a piece of shit.  Tune into the world around you once in awhile you musty jar of Play-doh.  *Deep breath*  Anywho, I've tried using the phone as my list.  It's a disaster.  You're constantly taking the phone out of your pocket, putting it back, and all the while looking like a sad magician practicing a shitty magic trick.  Give your phone the hook.  Either that or take a tomato from the produce section and throw it at yourself.  Exit stage right you failure.

Don't underestimate the grocery list.  It's got the answers to the test.  Ace that bitch.

Now get out there and utilize that poem of edibles. 

 

 

Rainbow Kitten Surprise & Caamp

Rainbow Kitten Surprise & Caamp

Bowling Alley Carpet & Charter Bus Seat Covers

Bowling Alley Carpet & Charter Bus Seat Covers

0