"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #156:  We Hope You Enjoyed Your Flight Today

Life Rule #156: We Hope You Enjoyed Your Flight Today

You walk down the aisle making sure not to smack any innocent bystanders with your personals.  After all, you've managed to cram your entire trip's worth of belongings into one small bag.  Now's not the time to draw attention to the carry-on which is flirting the line of being 'too large' for the overhead bins.  You didn't have a choice, did you?  It was either leave behind your favorite pair of jeans or upgrade your bag size while at the same time downsizing your wallet.  And as you finally pinpoint your row number you curse under your breath that these aisle walks seem to be getting longer and longer with each flight you take.

You make it to your destination of coach luxury.  Lucky for you you've managed to snag a window seat.  Not so lucky for the two strangers who now have to get up and let you in.  Screw 'em, you've been granted a view.  All the packaged peanuts in the wide world of aviation couldn't get you to change seats.  You settle in for the joyride and as you look forward you notice that you're so far back you can't even see the front of the plane.  Son of a bitch....

A quick mathematical equation will tell you that you're looking at no less than a fifteen minute departure from where you currently sit.  Oh well.  Sit back and relax, if you can.  You can deal with the nightmare that is plane departure when the time comes....

And it has come....

And with it comes a question from me, followed by a simple Life Rule.

Why is it that everyone feels the need to stand up as soon as the plane comes to a stop?  We're all in the same boat (or plane, rather) folks!  None of us wants to be on this cylindrical coffin any longer than we have to be but we're not moving until our row is called!  I don't get it.  Why stand and have your head jammed into a ninety degree angle for more than ten minutes?  The move couldn't have been made for comfort.  You look like Frankenstein trying to make a call from a phone booth.  Just sit back down and wait it out.

While we're at it let's pick on the inconsiderate neanderthals who feel it's their right to wiggle their way up a few rows in order to get out thirty seconds earlier than they would have if they could've just waited their turn!  Here's a Life Rule for those clowns.  Box them out.  That's right.  If you happen to see one of those weasels attempting to shimmy their rear ends ahead of the crowd well then you just stand up in front up them and Gandalf their asses, for they shall not pass!

I suppose I managed to sneak two Life Rules into one.  Just keep your seat warm until it's your row's time to skedaddle.  And if someone's trying to be a kindergartner by cutting in line then you stonewall those bastards.

And after all that, if you never got your peanuts?  Well brother, I feel for you.

Frightened Rabbit

Frightened Rabbit

Nina Simone

Nina Simone