"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Hooters, Twin Peaks & Tilted Kilt....Oh My!

Hooters, Twin Peaks & Tilted Kilt....Oh My!

Good Lord these places are still popular?  It's like a 'no-nudes' strip club where you insert your dollar bills into a cash register instead of a filthy thong.    This just tells me that guys out there are still getting suckered by large breasts and fake attitudes.  It tells me that our country, which I still believe is the greatest on this planet, has some serious work to do.  

These places are straight sleaze, guys.  Come on.   Really, as a MAN you cannot tell me you feel good about frequenting one of these places.  I would hope to God that if you were married or dating and your significant other found out you were populating these garbage dumps that they just laughed at you, hysterically, and reminded you that you are more pathetic than a piece of a Troll's shit.  Even if you're single it's an unacceptable decision.  The food is mediocre at best.  The only menu item I could recall from one of these places would be the wings from Hooters but that's only because they had been ordered for me.  Yes, I will reluctantly admit that I've been to two out of these three establishments -er- bowling alleys disguised as restaurants, however I was never the fool who made the final decision, I will have you know.

My first ever visit to the zoo was to the original culprit of this whole mess....Hooters.  I was in high school, which means my one and only pass has been used up.  

Oh look!  Slutty restaurant uniforms!  How original!

Deja Vu just with the addition of a shitty platter of food.

Those poor owls....

High school boys get the pass, right?  I mean we're adolescent pricks for Christ sake.  All we're doing during our high school years is learn how to masturbate, think about masturbating, women in all of their glory, more about women, the game later that week, how we're going to pass our exam without studying, and more regarding women.  Point being is we were given our time back then to be pathetic little shits.  Though today, low and behold, there are still guys out there posing as these little immature assholes.  Do not get me wrong.  Sex sells.  No one can deny that statement.  It's why every retailer from clothing to food uses it to their advantage.  BUT!  Big butt there (pun intended).  Chivalry is supposed to win out in our older years as we gain experience in our lives, correct?  

And yet, without fail, we still see a horde of dirty old men swarming.  Jesus where do these creeps come from?!  Look at Twin Peaks!  It was founded by one of these sleaze balls.  One Randy DeWitt (damn name even sounds like he was a former fraternity president).  What a slimy old bastard.  Probably was going to die alone and realized this was his one and only shot at getting some young action.  Goo!

I'm not saying you can't enjoy a great beer and some eats somewhere yet I'm fairly certain that your friendly neighborhood Applebee's offers up a better menu than any one of these crackpot trash heaps.  Yes....I said Applebee's.  And now I'd like to throw up.

So we've established that the regular clientele at these shit holes are just that....shit holes.  They're also dim.  I'd even risk a little tongue lashing to say they're about as dumb as the waitresses they're ogling all night but I think I'd be wrong in that assumption.  I'm going to give these ladies the benefit of the doubt and assume they knew exactly why they took the job.  Easy.  Money.  They know their customers are less intelligent than a bag of hammers inside a box full of rocks.  They're flat out stupid.  See, part of the reason these clowns keep going back for more is that they actually believe these women like them!  Amazing!  It's like witnessing devolution right before our eyes!  I'm not sure how the simple fact that these women are just trying to snag a larger tip ever slipped past these modern day Einsteins.  Stupendously stupid.  Oh, well.  

If we were to look for a positive in all of this I suppose we could all hope beyond hope that these sluts are tying down plaid tube tops in order to put themselves through school or provide their own children a decent home/education/meal.  That sure better be the case because if they're just doing the job for pure enjoyment then we've got a whole other issue on our hands.  

Our buffalo wing-stained hands....You sinner, you.

SNOW?!  Let's Get FUNKY....w/ Vulfpeck

SNOW?! Let's Get FUNKY....w/ Vulfpeck

The 1990's.  What a Beautiful Mess.

The 1990's. What a Beautiful Mess.