Alright! Everyone Smile In 10....9....8....
It's THE mad dash. You couldn't run faster if there was a Tyrannosaurus Rex chasing you. If we timed your sprint you might very well flirt with dismantling Usain Bolt's world record. Not a single misstep can be afforded. Of course we can only be discussing one scenario:
The time you're allotted from the moment you set the timer on a camera to when the pictures start snappin'.
Where will YOU be when the bulbs are flashing? Caught in the awkward world of halfway into the shot, halfway out of the shot? A blur on the print due to all of your movement or as I like to call it, the perfect impersonation of a yeti?
You're typically granted a 10 second window. That's an impressive feat if you can run, adjust, and smile all within that time frame while not looking like you just stood in front of a airplane turbine for 5 minutes.
Of course all of the little brats growing up today will never experience that thrill. Today there is a selfie stick. You just pull your wand out of your robe, connect your phone to said wand, and away we go! Apparently you're a wizard.
I'll grant that these contraptions can be useful but they are more amusing than anything, especially if you happen to be a distant spectator.
The whole mess of folks involved look like gerbils staring up at a water spigot waiting for their turn to hydrate. And there are no countdowns, no 10 second sprints, no mayhem. They've got it too easy with this photo stick. Damn witch doctors.
We should start holding competitions for this exact experience. See who can successfully start a timer, get into a shot, and smile perfectly before the camera shoots. We can introduce obstacles, time variations, unruly photo subjects. The possibilities are endless!
And I'll leave you with a question I've always had....Why is it 'Say cheese!'? I suppose because when you say cheese your face somehow resembles a smile? But no one says cheese so emphatically that their mouth forms a perfect smile. How creepy would that shit seem? Imagine you work at a place of business where cheese is your bread n' butter. Or....it's your cheese. Stay with me. Now imagine that everyone who came in to order cheese asked for it and immediately flashed a smile from ear to ear as they requested said dairy product. You'd lose your damn mind.
Cheese. Cameras. Nonsense.