"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #1100.  Slip n' Slide.

Life Rule #1100. Slip n' Slide.

It's summertime kids.  We should all be slipping and we should all be sliding.  I don't believe it matters what your geographic location happens to be, as long as you have a continuous flow of agua and a lawn as thick and lush as a 70's porn star's bushel basket.

We all envy kids for their ability to rifle through the Fun Rolodex of Life and fulfill any radical activity they choose with almost no recourse.  

Oh Life, you cruel and sick game.  Remember how we longed to grow up and add those shiny responsibilities to our empty trophy case?  Shit, look at us now!  Now we look across the lawn at those giggling kids and pray for just one day of irresponsibility and debauchery.  Suits replaced sweat suits.  Briefcases replaced Trapper Keepers.  Monday morning expense reports replaced Saturday morning cartoons.

We might not be able to strap an M-80 to a bullfrog's back any longer but by God we haven't been denied ALL of life's little pleasures!  One of those pleasures?  The Slip n' Slide.

Holy hell.  Makes you wonder, doesn't it?  Why would a king ever want a red carpet rolled out when he COULD have had a Slip n' Slide setup right through his castle?  They (the creators) could have stopped at the original slide, but no!  They had to take our already excitedly popped cherries and add a fucking pool at the end (there's the proverbial whipped cream for that shredded cherry of yours)?  Do you recall?  If you or a friend were well off enough you could afford the slide with that little pool waiting for you at the end of the line.  There might have even been that little shroud of mystery (or rather a shit plastic curtain) hiding your bonus objective behind its walls.  The original glory hole....of water.  Just a shallow pool really.  But dastardly nonetheless. 

Go buy one....NOW.  Call your friends on the way home and use up the rest of your day racing down that slick patch of yellow delight.  Dorthy had the brick road and I say she can keep that shitty adventure.  We've got the Slip n' slide.  You go right ahead and figure out how or why a Tin Man should have a heart at all....we're going to figure out how far past the actual slide we can roll our asses.  That there is a win.

Play a game of pickle.  Slide so fast that you cleanly clear the pool at the end (almost always causing more harm that good).  Whatever you do with that incredibly genius invention make sure you slip like there's no tomorrow and slid with a purpose.

Slip n' Slide.  Go ape shit.  Go be a kid again.

 

 

 

Arlo Guthrie

Arlo Guthrie

Busty and the Bass

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