"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule # 2020.  You Can Only Get So Weird.

Life Rule # 2020. You Can Only Get So Weird.

Life Rule #2020 is a sharp one to keep an eye on.  There are varying degrees of weird and the first few handfuls are just fine.  Weird can be good.  And then there's that glaring line some peculiar whack jobs cross, into a world no one wants to live in, let alone experience.  I don't detest any of these folks and nor should you.  Quite the contrary.  Their perception of "normal" is free entertainment for us lucky folk.  Allow me to use the following measuring tool when deciding whether or not someone is weird.

If at first sight my initial reaction is simply, "Why?"  Weirdo.

If the first sounds and/or words out of your mouth are followed by me asking, "Why?"  Weirdo.

If you share with me your beliefs, your ideas, and your passions with me and I once again follow all of that up by asking "Why?"  We've got ourselves a weirdo.

  Luckily we're only peeling the onion back one layer tonight kids.  I don't want you thinking we're going to start asking questions that make the world turn.  There will be no round table.  Oh, I can faintly hear it now....

"But maybe you need to consider that your idea of weird is someone else's perception of normal and why shouldn't we respect their visions?"

....Right off the bat, shut up.  I'll go on the record saying I'm all for it (again, loop back to the beginning of our journey where I elude to the comedic value of weird).  If what you do, say or believe doesn't negatively affect me or another human being roaming this planet then knock your socks off.  Weird can bring a beautiful balance to the world.  Jump up on the scale you straight jacket runway models!  We need ya.  

On the other hand, if what you're up to attracts some attention for being a bit odd well then you've got to hike up your big kid britches and accept the backlash.  I'm not condoning bullying but sometimes these coo coo clocks have it coming.  Take our first of two examples below:

I'm slow to discovering viral videos or stories on the internet.  I mostly use the big triple 'W' when I'm writing here or browsing email.  What I stumbled on this morning had me spewing my precious coffee all over the bathroom tile.  You see, I was porcelain browsing.  Catching up on anything and everything from my phone while dishing out some DQ soft serve.  Annnnyway, I was treated to an add that slapped me across the face with its silliness.  The product?  The Licki Brush.  It's clientele?  Felines.  Cats.  Harbingers of death.  

Now, you're already a special breed if you own a cat.  You've accumulated a few weirdo boy scout patches just for having cats.  I believe one patch is a ball of yarn and the other is a picture of a litter box.  I mean, come on!  You voluntarily brought an animal into your home that shits in a box and expects YOU to clean it up!  Phenomenal.  The rest of us are already so much further up the food chain than you.  On top of that I've heard multiple imaginary studies now claim that 98% of cats want nothing to do with their homo sapien roommates.  It has to be true.  A cat's personality mimics that of the sorcerer who returns to his lair only to put a stop to the shenanigans of one Mickey Mouse.  You know the short film Disney classic starring one Mickey Mouse in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice".  Watch it.  Remember how upset the wizard was near the end of the film and you'll realize that he portrayed any cat you've ever come across.

Enough concerning cat owners.  We all get it.  A low degree of weird, yet weird nonetheless.  Let's tackle this contraption of insanity.  The Licki Brush.  Now watch THAT advertisement.  I'm sorry for all of the visual homework but you have to trust me.  Tune in to this laugh factory.  Creepy.  Far more unsettling than a clown making chainsaws out of balloons.  Even more unsettling than that same clown attempting to juggle the chainsaws he just created all while making the sound of a running chainsaw.  Yes, creepier than all of that nonsense.   

WHY?!  And don't answer.  There's never an answer.  The only sliver of an explanation I received was when I watched the creators' interview on Jimmy Kimmel.  They're from Portland, OR.  That soothes my puzzled mind a bit.  Not much!  But maybe just enough.

Reference #2.  Hobby horses.  We all remember them.  I say remember because they really should not exist anymore.  Well, allow your mind to melt, explode, or do the Hokey Pokey.  Check this one out.  WHY?  And for good measure....here's another WHY.

So with this one I actually commend these girls.  They found something they apparently love, with other kids who love the same thing, and now you've got a bond.  And THAT shit has got to be unbreakable.  In respect to that notion, good for them.  That's remarkable.  I still get to use a WHY here though.  Because........WHY?  Oh, I'll tell ya why!  Respect the hobbyhorse.  That's why.

Weird can be exceptional.  It's almost always going to earn 100% for making me laugh.  I don't care what the situation calls for.  Weird is good.  I don't necessarily condone the decisions made in the two videos you just watched (Unless you count Fantasia.  Everyone is OK with dancing brooms), but as I said before, if you're happy and it's not hurting me, get freakin' weird.

And one more thing:



Life Rule #5521:  Cheers!  Nope.

Life Rule #5521: Cheers! Nope.

Six & Twenty

Six & Twenty