"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Life Rule #5521:  Cheers!  Nope.

Life Rule #5521: Cheers! Nope.

Are we all on the same page when it comes to people who end a conversation or human interaction with the word 'cheers'?  By same page, I mean we would all like this trend to come to an abrupt halt.  The fraternity brothers have had their fun, now let's wrap it up, shall we?

I appreciate a warm welcome or a sincere goodbye but this particular salutation just rubs me the wrong way.  I'm not entirely sure why it chafes my nips down to bloody stumps but it's enormously irritating.  I believe it's because the culprits who throw a 'cheers' out at the end of their monologue reek of that old familiar stench.  No, not sour cream and onion Pringles (which are flat delicious).  They portray this false facade of the worn and weathered world traveler.  Hey, maybe if I say one word in another culture's language people will find me globally sophisticated.  Well....we don't.  At least I don't.  I actually wish you'd disappear quicker than Amelia Earhart.  How's that for world traveling?  

The only positive effect I feel from someone saying 'cheers' is that the theme song to that classic TV sitcom pops into my head immediately.  Now I'm singing "Where everybody knows your name!" and I'm a little jollier than I was 2 minutes prior.  Thank you for that at least.

I suppose I'm being cynical tonight.  Have your multilingual fun!  Hell, our waiter the other night glided up to us and started our evening out with a hearty "buenas noches!"  He was whiter than a ghost.  Now now, not to say that he wasn't fluent in the language but that happened to be the first and last time we ever heard from his Spanish catalog.  You do the math.  

Is there a sighing emoji?  Even if there were I wouldn't put it up here.  But I'm sighing right now.  There's no laughing out loud going on in this household at the moment.  I just can't get a grasp on this one.  Why does everyone have to come across so edgy and "hip"?  The best part about this whole scenario is that you can't even make me feel guilty or ashamed.  How could I feel bad about not being able to say one word in Spanish or a word derived  from the Britons?  I cannot feel bad because I could say the exact same word that you have blurted out, I just choose not to because I don't buy lottery scratch-offs at the gas station and proceed to stand right at the register and scrape through my ticket waiting for my big payday.  You're homeless.  Cheers is meant as a toast or celebration before we take a pull on our adult beverages, yet every time I've heard the word over the last few years it's been out of some asshole's mouth while there was no drink in sight.  There's some sadness for you.

Please cool it with the 'cheers' and any other misplaced form of a greeting you want to throw up on my face.  



The Dip.

The Dip.

Life Rule # 2020.  You Can Only Get So Weird.

Life Rule # 2020. You Can Only Get So Weird.