"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Go Fish....Yourself.

Go Fish....Yourself.

A sad realization has crept into my mind recently.  Board and/or card games seem to be falling by the wayside.  Let me provide better clarity here.  Games are still stacking your local retailer’s shelves but they’re not making the second leg of the journey to living rooms around the globe.  Perhaps it’s more of a personal experience seeing as how “game night” was treated with reverence around our house.  I mean, if you drop a Monopoly box or slide Sorry my way I’m going to get downright excited.  Care to really impress me?  Flash a Euchre deck in my face and things immediately get serious.  I hope you paid attention during your Tango lessons because we’re about to dance.

For as exhilarating as a card/board game can be we sometimes must endure the always frustrating task of teaching a new pupil the rules of the road.  Brutal.

There’s instances where that can be a game in and of itself.  Have you ever sat down at a table to play a game with a handful of weathered veterans and ONE fresh fish, so to speak?  Get out the whiteboard and the dry erase markers. 

Teaching someone how to play a game they’ve never played before is like teaching a toddler how to use the bathroom.  You’re introducing an entirely fresh concept to your student.  This idea is foreign.  It scares them, and the experience can get shitty in a hurry.

Trying to rustle up a card game?  Take a sliver of advice:  Expect to run through at least one open-face round so your “destructor of fun” can learn why certain moves prove to be more effective than others.  While we're at it why don't we fill up your little advice basket with a few more eggs?  Have your preferred alcoholic beverage within striking distance because you'll want to drink throughout this experience.  Hell, you could be one ambitious feller and combine your teaching experience with a drinking game.  For example; every time your pupil says, "I still don't get it.", you go right ahead and take a swig then follow it up with a slap across the back of their head.  Two games in one.  Look at you now!

On to board games.  Maybe someone dusted off the old game you used to play as a kid.  If someone’s new to the fold you’ll be reading the entire list of rules on the inside of the box.  Yes, you’ll top to bottom those rules.  That announcement is crippling.  If you ever want to torture someone just force them to read the rules of a game.  Your head will spin faster than a Hungry Hungry Hippo can swallow those elusive little pebbles.  Oh, I'm sorry!  I thought we were playing some games not sitting around reading each other bedtime stories.  Again, here you are permitted to utilize your beverages.  If someone needs a rundown on board game rules then shove the instructions in their face, make them study the objectives, and you go right ahead and quench your thirst.

In conclusion, if you're going to Pocahontas dive straight into the bowels of the board/card gaming world make sure you're well equipped.  Have a stocked fridge, a steady hand, a calm mind, and a pile of crippling insults.  Now go and get your game on, and if anyone dare soil your plans of endless entertainment?

Tell them to Go Fish themselves.

Loggins & Messina

Loggins & Messina

Life Rule #2224.  Bow Ties.  Choke Yourself.

Life Rule #2224. Bow Ties. Choke Yourself.