"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

"Come Again?"  This One's for the Bros.

"Come Again?" This One's for the Bros.

Guess it’s about high time we pump out a new segment. Much like our laughable lyrics, we’re going to explore some of the extraordinary vocabulary our favorite stereotypical beauties chuck upon us; seemingly on a day to day basis. Let’s start with the BROS. They wouldn’t let a woman go ahead of them, anyway.

It may be safe to say that bros alone could fill a dictionary from cover to cover with their own bush league interpretation of life; and as much as I’d like to write that book, we don’t have the time, the patience, nor the sheer idiocy to put that much pen on paper. Plus, can any of these bruts even read past a fourth grade level? Not likely. So we’ll make due with thumbing through the pages and nail down one of our favorites. Bring it BROS!

“Smoke show”. I’ve heard the description enough times to believe I have its meaning pegged. Classic bro-phrase used to illustrate the attractiveness of a young lady. I’m not sure I like the taste of the magic potion coming out of that bottle. Is the intent to imply that when something is hot that it must be on fire? And if so, are we then to assume that the age old phrase “where there’s smoke, there’s fire” applies here? That’s a stretch, even for Smokey the Bear. And while he’s busy preventing forest fires, who’s going to prevent all of these bros from “flattering” women with talks of larceny? Are the bros on to something here? Depicting a woman’s allure with the use of natural disasters? Follow along children….the “smoke show” got us started. What’s next?

Glacial Melt. Girl’s so HOT she could melt glaciers.

Flood. Babe’s a flood, bro. I’m just drowning in her eyes.

Hailstorm. Chick’s so fine she’s got my auto insurance premiums rising! It’s a hail damage joke guys, stick with me.

Sure, we’re reaching a bit on those, but it was fun while it lasted. Might have been fine just sticking with smoke show and calling it a day. Or rather, if you all prefer to ride out the theme of fire, why not bring back “dynamite”? I’d accept dynamite. The ladies might even accept dynamite. It’s innocent enough. Old school enough to be a little quirky, a little sweet perhaps? Sure, you might have to ask her out on a date to the drive-in theater after the Sock Hop, but what a night!

As I sit here continuing to digest the absurdity of that description (smoke show); I’m reminded of how little confidence it actually instills in those who deliver the message. Not once have I had the pleasure of witnessing a bro make a pass directly to the woman of his choosing and use those two words. If it’s such a compliment, what’s the hesitation? Oh it’s OK, bro. Tricks are for kids. Elegance and respect are reserved for the ladies. You wouldn’t dare go off and caveman grunt that bullshit in front of a woman, because she’d giggle your ass all the way back to the table where the rest of your bros are sulking around wondering why no one’s watching them flex the tribal tattoos on their biceps.

“Smoke show” is a disaster alright, and much like bros themselves, something that should have never been let out of its cage. The only smoke show I want to see is a pile of fraternity paddles getting set ablaze. Yes, I’m generalizing. No, I don’t care.

Today’s episode was brought to you by the phrase “smoke show”. Really guys?

No go….bro bro.

College Bowl Season.  A Bowl Full of Nonsense.

College Bowl Season. A Bowl Full of Nonsense.

Say Cheese!  The Wonderful World of Rock Band Photos.

Say Cheese! The Wonderful World of Rock Band Photos.