Sports Obsessions. We're Past Absurd.
I wanted to get goofy tonight, that was on the agenda. What ended up happening was a series of unfortunate events which led me to stumble across an article surrounding the “scandal” that occurred in New Orleans over the weekend. Of course I can only be referring to the pass interference penalty that was not called. Even if you can count yourself as one of the 25% who DIDN’T watch the game, I’ve no doubt this isn’t the first you’re hearing of it. And there….is a sad fact. We’re inundated with so much crap and useless information, particularly when it comes to sports, that folks wanting nothing to do with these games have to live in a concrete bunker just to avoid catching wind! Watch the needle on that chart move. To our left, we have the low end of the spectrum of sports hysteria. The grass is green, and the numeral is a goose egg. Now allow your eyes to drift off to your right, and there you’ll find a blood red ten. This is where America resides; an unhealthy lust for competition. “So sit back in that chair right there and let me show you how it’s done!” Charlie Daniels Band….Devil Went Down to Georgia. Georgia: One of the nation’s Lower 48, with a city that goes by the name Atlanta. Atlanta: Just so happens to be the same city hosting this year’s Super Bowl. The Super Bowl: An event the New Orleans Saints football squad will not be attending in 2019.
Can we trace this maniacal thirst for physical displays of wonder back to the Roman times? Our stadiums mirror the coliseums of old, do they not? Sure they do, but does it really matter? Back then you had a bowl full of wack jobs cheering for rogue beasts to tear helpless warriors limb from limb. Today you just have a bunch of entitled pieces of shit playing games with balls. That piece of information is the only valid excuse for letting those same turd burglars act like children; they’re playing GAMES.
So you’ll have to forgive me when I find it amusing that grown men paint their faces, spend uncanny amounts of their own money attending a season’s worth of games, and voluntarily drink Bud Light. It’s here that we’ll finally delve into the topic of tonight’s article. I thought we as a people couldn’t take our obsession for sports any further than it’s already gone (see grown men with painted faces), yet today I’m reminded of just how low we can go.
The New Orleans Saints seemed to have been snubbed from the biggest game in the NFL’s season due to a botched call. I’d say it was a remarkably poor whiff on the officiating crew’s behalf. Shit, Stevie Wonder could have made the call. I don’t anyone who knows a damn thing about football would argue the call on the field was incorrect. What MY more important issue is with this inappropriately dubbed “debacle’ is the public outcry post game (reminder lunatics….a GAME).
There are living, breathing human beings walking around today who actually paid for billboard advertising with their own money to get their message across. Their message? “Saints Got Robbed!” Clever. Try another, “The NFL Bleaux It!” Does everyone see what was done there? Little Louisiana charm snuck into that last message. Well, they’re all coming from the same nitwit. This ass whistler owns a bunch of car dealerships down south….HAHA. Of course he does. Anyway, he felt soooo cheated by the outcome of Sunday’s game that he felt it necessary to rent billboard space near Atlanta (site of the Super Bowl) and make it known to all his feelings on the matter. ARE. YOU. JOKING. WITH. ME. What a vein in an old man’s boner who just took a week’s worth of Cialis. Leave this planet, filth.
I mean, COME ON! What a waste. You had NOTHING to do with either a Saint’s win or a Saint’s loss. DIDDLY SQUAT. Now you’re burning through cash just to give us a better idea of how much of a sniveling little brat you really are? I’ve got an idea, let’s make this REALLY sad….
I did some minimal research to find out the average cost of renting billboard space. From the lower end (Midwest town of a medium market) to the costlier end (coastal town with big market), you could snag billboard surface area from $3,000 all the way up to $25K for four weeks worth of time. To keep our example simple, let’s just call it $5,000. The koala butt hole I mentioned earlier has supposedly rented SEVEN signs already, with no plan to stop. Keeping our example straightforward, we’ll assume he hits 10 signs. $50,000 spent whining. That’s what this Disney villain just did. Oh, I’m not done. Guess how much it costs to feed a hungry child per day? $0.50. Yes, you’re seeing half of a dollar. Time for some math! $50K divided by $0.50 folks? 100,000 is the answer, and it’s just ONE example. What a fucking jerk. Wastes $50K to tell people he’s a douche bag. Not that telling people you own multiple car dealerships wouldn’t have already done the trick. Choad smoker.
Here’s the most important question in its simplest form: WHO CARES? Go ahead, feel bad for a few ticks. Banter back and forth with a few buddies rooting for the other team. Do what NORMAL people do and drop it after a couple hours, TOPS. Please tell us what you’re accomplishing with this stunt. In the article I regret reading, this clown claims he’s going to put up so many signs the NFL will get sick of him. Is that what ya think pal? You gonna drive us all crazy with your unimaginative thoughts involving a game that’s in the past, that maaaaybe 0.000000001% of America actually gives a shit about? Unfortunately, all you’re doing is giving a multi-billion dollar giant free advertising. For God sake, just go sell more cars. Oh wait, that might require more ill-advised billboards. Ah, just go die. I’m not kidding and I won’t take that comment back. If you’re willing to spend $50,000 to get an absolutely WORTHLESS point across then you sure as shit deserve to not exist.
I’ve griped before about how we’ve taken our love of sports too far. I’m guessing the train isn’t done rolling. We’re gotten to personal billboards. What’ll be next?