"Excuses are the nails that build the house failure."

Paul Bunyan's Beard

Everybody's Done the Twist....Right?

Everybody's Done the Twist....Right?

Y’all get a two-for-one special tonight considering we brought back a long-awaited entry to our #comengetit section! Bet you didn’t know you’d be blessed with a buy-one-get-one when you jumped into the site! Bet you didn’t anticipate all these hyphens either! I’m sprinkling an excessive amount of exclamation points as well just to keep this crazy train rolling! Curve ball: You’ll get your recipe later in the day. I’d prefer not to jam too much down your throats this early in the morning —that’s what he said. So —without further adieu— let’s smash this short entry with more force than a carnival Whack-a-mole!

Ice makers —of the manual variety. They were/are a delight! I know we’ve all used one a time or two. Perhaps you’ve still got one socked away in your freezer waiting to iceberg your next cocktail. What once was a tray of symmetrical rectangles now comes in all shapes and sizes. Kind of exciting when you get dip your home state’s territorial outline into a mixed drink; is it not? Love fish? Well some lonely manufacturer out there has a molding for YOU! Care for a few cubes larger than a goddamn Jack-in-the-Box? They’re out there, friend.

I find it amusing you can stuff your freezer full of all sorts of ice tray shapes when your ice cubes’ longevity rapidly decreases the moment it hits the glass. How considerate of you to cleverly fill my beverage with teddy bears! As long as it completes the desired task of chilling my drink I couldn’t give two shits what it’s shaped like. But if you’re happy, I’m happy!

No matter the theme you’ve chosen for those little suckers there’s nothing quite like the balancing act required from the sink to the freezer. Mine as well be walking a tightrope across two skyscrapers. Watch someone attempt to pull off the feat. The look of concentration plastered across their face is akin to Nicolas Cage’s attempt to diffuse nuclear warheads in the 1996 classic “The Rock”. I don’t know about you, but I’m not into soft ass shit.

What I’m really here to discuss is the “twist”. If you’ve ever owned an ice cube tray then you know EXACTLY what I speak of. I’ve thought about this specific maneuver after recently having completed the finishing move. If you’re still perplexed please fear not! Allow me to walk you through the procedure:

You’ve got your glass and your liquid doing a dance yet it takes three to make a crowd. Time to introduce some ice to this menage a trois of savoriness. So you head to the only place in your home ice could live —the freezer. You grab the tray in both hands and give your wrists a slight twist in opposite directions. Pop goes the chilly little weasel. And presto! You’re cubes are now free to unleash their tightly clustered molecules and absorb the energy displaced by the warmer liquid. Fucking science. Alas, I’m no Bill Nye, so we shall forego the magnificent complexities of how/why ice does what it does. Again, I’m here to ask a simply and silly question: When on earth are we EVER required to utilize that exact same motion with our wrists? Twist and shout folks! I’m doing more shouting than twisting at this very moment because I DON’T KNOW WHEN THIS HAPPENS AT ANY OTHER TIME!

Some say there is no God. That may be, but then how do you explain the phenomenon of the ice cube tray twist? Someone/something created us and along with that package deal came wrists. They/it had to know we’d someday invent the ice cube tray. The rest is history.

Don’t shake it up, baby. Just twist….then shout. You’ve done it. We can all do it.

Ice cube trays. Wrist twists. Glorious.

The Creamy Goodness of the Jolly Green Giant

The Creamy Goodness of the Jolly Green Giant

No Service, No Problem.

No Service, No Problem.

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